Sometimes it’s important to pause and notice changes. Changes can be positive or not so positive. For me, I’ve noticed that since I have dealt with so much in the past with Jersey Boy’s acting out, I don’t have the “bandwidth” that I used to in dealing with stressful situations. I used to be able to keep myself calm but now my stress is easily off the charts at times and my head goes haywire. I think of the worse case scenarios in those situations. This is all while my husband is working his recovery. I am not dealing with any acting out on his part. In fact, he celebrated his 1 year of sobriety in the last couple of months.
My reaction is a result of all the trauma. I really need to continue working on this. This is one of those changes that is not so positive. I want my old resiliency back.
Our daughter got engaged in Nov. and as much as I am excited about it, planning a wedding is stressful. Trying to help our daughter’s dreams come true and keeping on track with a budget is very stressful. My husband was in a time warp on what weddings cost. He wasn’t too pleased when I gave him the facts. It caused us stress for a few weeks but he knows I will do my best to give her a great wedding and cut costs where I can. Dealing with the vendors is stressful too. When I let one photographer know we decided to go with another one, that caused me stress as he and his wife were very nice.
I had a work issue recently that I shared with Jersey Boy as it was causing me a lot of stress. He immediately went to resolution mode. I didn’t want him to resolve it. I wanted him to just listen and be there for me. Then he tried telling me that I should have told him that I didn’t want any feedback. To me that was asking too much from me in my time of stress. I felt like he was throwing it back on me and I told him so. He was surprised. Today when he went to therapy, his therapist told him that since I was the stressed out one, it was up to him to determine what I needed and ask me if I wanted feedback or his suggestions to resolve the problem. The fact that he thought about it shows me he is changing.
I mentioned to Jersey Boy that our brother-in-law said a few comments that I thought were inappropriate to our future son-in-law. I just wanted to share those comments but didn’t expect that he was going to give it another second of thought. Well, I was wrong. He did think about that and sought advice from his therapist as to how best to address those comments being made to our future son-in-law. Again, change is happening.
We are continuing to make progress with our Gottman trained therapist. I love the blog and highly encourage reading it.
Wishing you a great day….